For the next 29 days , in 24 hour cycles, over and over and over again, Howard Dean was my best friend and my worst enemy. He was worse than that boyfriend that ditched me 10 years ago for the snobby upper crust chick. He was worse than the eviction notice at my door a few months ago. He was worse than this “incident” that happened to me so many years ago. And he was this night in shining armor --every punk rocks chicks secret fantasy, that didn‘t stop and pick me up on his horse but just kept trotting by. NO, actually he stabbed me on his way past! (I’ve actually had these dreams..that j e r k!)

I’ve never been through such a range of emotions in such a short amount of time. This heartbreak and came to a head every single night where I intentionally argued with everyone around me, typed off hateful mail, read every ANTI publication I could get my hands on, talked all night long to every anarchist I’ve ever known, wrote ever single Dean friend I had made - bi*tched and told them off if they weren’t on the same page and wrote like a lunatic on this place called a blog. . I am now on the steps of this place called a looney bin and my organization is going to shi*t.

Today is March 27th, 2004. I live in a townhouse that a Dean supporter hooked me up with. That’s right. Through my California Dean groups I met this woman named Annette and through a discussion list that I’m on, I found a place to live after the EVICTION and she gave it me. I still see NO D*AMN GOOD in Howard Dean and his “movement” but at least I have somewhere to live! SO.. This house was built in the 80’s (yes!) and the not so great thing about that is that the air conditioner was that old too. So it broke.

It was muggy, hot, suffocating and freezing as*s cold all night. This superwoman named Annette hooked it up and these guys came today to put a brand spankin’ new air conditioner in here today. It took these dudes all day to do it. The s*hit was hard. Homeboy came up and said “You have air Missy” Not only did I have air but it was the most bit*chen high tech looking air-thing-on-the-wall I have ever seen in my life. It glows! The da*mn monitor glows and it even has the time on it! That’s right, yours truly is moving up to the Eastside. This is my friggin’ piece of the pie and Mr. Howard Dean can’t take that from me! You go ahead and endorse John Kerry Mister fancy Pants-party joiner-heart breaker! I have freakin’ air and you can’t take it! But wait a minute..this blog of yours keeps helping me out. Fine, you are 99% my worst enemy in life.

These Dean people are around every corner and they keep sending me advice. They keep trying to help. What the he*ll?! Freaks. Well, I do like ‘em They have been pretty cool to me and I they WERE on the same page as me a while back.

And what’s this?? My friend Ann is giving me the politics 101 speech? She’s telling ME why I should vote Democrat and get over it? What the he*ll? Didn’t she just go through heartbreak too? I don’t care if she went through McGovern and Bobby Kennedy..this is WORSE! Well, I do adore her and she does have my best at heart. I guess I’ll try to listen. But but but.

Andrew White? Michael Muerer? Charlie from San Diego? Charlie Grapski? Randy Foote? Alex in MN? Jax and tsa and Renee and photoshop boy Demetrius? Linda? Free Spirit? I mean come on, her name is free spirit. She doesn’t KNOW me. She can’t relate to ME. But sh*it, I like her. What’s this? She’s getting a tatt?

Annette with her fancy *air* and bloggers from Dean world are coming at me from every angle and damnit I am starting to hear them and starting to breathe. EVEN MR OLER! Creeps. They don’t know me and I don’t know them and it will forever stay that way. Thanks Howard!

You know, I’m just going to enjoy my air and ignore the whole world. Wait. It’s 60 degrees outside and I have these outstanding electric bills from 3 years ago and got caught by the electric company, I can’t run the air. No, I couldn’t even if I could because the world is ending and it’s all Everyone’s FAULT!!!!!!

Fine, I’ll teach my kid how to perfect that SOUND he makes when he puts his hand under his arm pit. You know, *that* sound. Yeah, and I’ll eat a bunch of food and tell Frankie to quit playing that da*mn guitar and I’ll kiss my daughter a thousand times. Scratch the food thing, there’s only enough for the kids and no paycheck. So I did.

I can hate the world and everyone in it and ESPECIALLY HOWARD DEAN and his “movement” and still check the mail. So I did. This group that Punk Voter helped me network with, Indy Voter sent a package for me! A book and an organizer! I GOT A GIFT. HA HA on you Howard Dean! After I go through my email and tell a few people off, eat a cracker or two and love these kids up and send their funky but*ts to bed, I’m reading this da*mn book and Dr Dean can’t stop me! I’m going to have a revolution and this book is going to tell me how. “How to throw Stupid White Men out of Office” Perfect!!! Dean=white. Kerry=whiter. But wait..let me check my email and look at the dumb blog again.

Okay so the air-thing on the wall made me feel good and blog land was totally peaceful and my kids were feelin’ my vibes and actually being good. I conquered writing my first fundraising letter with the help of those good friends I was telling you about. Things are feeling different. So I sat down to read my new ‘how to start a revolution’ book. Of course it started with the Florida situation and Bush’s crap but then it started talking about how over the years the Democrats lost their spine.
What happened to them? How did they become so messed up? This is going to be so good. Democrat jer*ks! The book got better and better and I’ve only read like 45 pages or so. You see, this book started messing with me. They lost their spine and got tired of losing. They lost because they were trying to do something right. Hmm. Wait a da*mn minute here!! A blogger or an insider purposely sent this to me to mess with my head!! haha Ok, that was a bit dramatic.

Have you ever heard of the Hip Hop Deputy Mayor Ras Baraka? That’s right, I said Hip Hop. It's in this book. See, his deal is that he ran over and over again and didn’t’ win. He used to campaign in his hip hop garb, and then a tie and then he started suiting up for the job. He counted on his friends, networked with his own and thought he would win because he was right and the other guys were wrong. “In a fairlyland that would be the right thing to happen. But in the real world it doesn’t have anything to do with right and wrong. Especially in politics” Eventually he joined up on a ticket with the guy he ran against and he’s making a huge difference. Some people think he’s a sellout.
“People in the community, they are grateful and very thankful that we took the job…“ he said. “Ask the people at 515 Elizabeth Avenue, where we’re trying to get rid of this landlord for them, if they would’ve been happy if we didn’t take the job out of some political theoretical stuff that really makes no difference”

Whoa. So I read it over and over again and I thought (in the most dramatic way) ‘Ask the country that is dying if they can forgive us for not helping-- For not voting Bush out. Theoretical stuff that makes no difference to the average American.’ Hol*y cra*p.

After all of this (and much more I didn‘t mention), the first 2 sections of this new book, days with no sleep and hours and hours of alone time, I have something to say:

Howard Dean, bloggers, friends, enemies, Frankie, kids.. I’m sorry. The Progressive community is coming together and we cannot be stopped. This movement started with a guy named Howard Dean and a team led by Joe Trippi and it’s continuing with us. We have to network, we have to stick together and check it: I finally realize that it’s not about *me*. Doctor, I finally hear the message and thanks to the air blown my way, I can breathe. Thank you.

Kimmy Cash

	Posted by Howard Dean @ 03/29/2004 07:13 AM PST
	Kimmy, you're story is great. I'm 55 years old, I thought of voting for Eldridge Cleaver in 1968 (I was too young to vote by about 10 days). after the Democrats crammed Hubert Humphrey down our throats at the 1968 Democratic convention. After the election, which Nixon won by 100,000 votes, I realized how self-indulgent that would have been. Sometimes a blow against the establishment is a blow against all the people we say we want to help. There is a big difference between a vote for John Kerry and a vote for George Bush, and no vote at all. The last two stand for keeping things the way they are. The first may not be as much change as you want, but it will be a step in the right direction and it will be a start, and most importantly more people will have health care etc. I guarantee you if you vote for Kerry you will be disappointed, and I also guarantee you if you had voted for me and I had won you would have been disappointed too at some point. But governing in the real world means you can really make things better, dropping out means hope is dead. So thanks for hanging in there! Get all those punx back on board. This isn't about electing Kerry, and it wasn't about electing me, it's about taking the country back for people like you, no matter how long it takes! Thanks again, Howard Dean