Today I'm here to talk about Midis on web sites, you know, that rinky-tinky, fairy-esque music that pops up when you enter a web site, and hangs about in the background while you're trying to read, like one of those huge black hairy flies that lands on your arm and refuses to fly away, even when you try to shake it off. And not "I am a guy who wears lace undies" kind of fairy. Real fairies. The Little Folk.
The ones who are always portrayed with bee's wings, damselfly wings, termites-on-their-mating-flight wings. The ones that anyone with half a brain who applied it to the problem of ancient Celtic religio-mythology would *realize* were actually the insects-- HELLO! Neo-paganism has covered owls, cats, wolves, snakes, even bears; has anyone even bothered to consider why bugs are also universally reviled and killed in American Judeo-Christian-Mammonic-DuPont culture? BUGS ARE THE WEE FOLK IN CELTIC MYTHOLOGY!!!
So anyway, I don't mean to insult the Fair Folk when I refer to Midi as "fairy-esque". What I'm saying is, this, um, sound resembles what uneducated people think fairies produce, but actually it's the sort of that bad fairies put out. Bad fairy musicians. Kicked-out-of-fairy-music-school-never-darken-the-door-to-this-hollow-tree-again bad fairy musicians.
Why anyone would want to put this crap on their Web page I'll never know. I'm sorry. Midi was interesting for the first five minutes, but now it's... just... OLD. And bad.
And not only that, it increases the dork-quotient of your Web page a hundredfold. It is no coincidence, I say to you brothers and sisters amen, that virtually all of the pages featured on Heartless Bitches International's "Sappy site-of-the-week" have Midi music on them. You are putting yourself right in line for nomination for that list, my friend, if you put a dopey Midi on your site. And we all know what that means. (Darkly ominous meaningful look)
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